October

Nerd family news: Matthijs at the dinner table asking if we knew that “long ago in faraway countries they used people as, um, household robots? As THINGS? He is just finding out about slavery and the nerd parents of course responded with “that actually still goes on Matthijs..”

We had some trouble at school: Matthijs was left alone in a class with a jar of sweets and stole one. This is apparently so heinous that we got an official form to say that this was unacceptable behaviour. We are not keen on theft either, but leaving a child sitting with a jar of sweets is pretty much “entrapment” so we responded less cooperatively than the headmaster had perhaps expected. Tough. He did miss a day of school for it and we of course gave him a right old talking-to.

We told the head we thought it was an excessive reaction by the school and that we did not approve of teachers using sweets to motivate good behaviour (that is was the jar was for). We did not come to an agreement on the first point, largely because the headmaster is generally conflict-averse and then becomes very rigid when he has drawn a line in the sand. On the second point he conceded that it was not a good idea to have jars of sweets in the classroom as a reward.

Matthijs is a demanding and somewhat chaotic child (goodness knows where he gets that from) but that we made very, very clear in the intake. The school said they were up for it, but when it comes down to it they seem to have very little idea how to motivate good behaviour. He is in a class of nineteen, several of which are bright but very demanding boys. His best friend tests out as gifted, nearly highly-gifted. The friend’s mother suggested to school that the brighter children should spend some time in a group together. The class teacher responded that they did not have any other gifted children… sigh. Marjolein thereupon bore upon the school that we had a deal that they would have him IQ tested after he turned eight. He is now nine so they need to get their skates on.

On the other hand: Matthijs is very often a complete sweetheart. He did get lots of compliments on the flight back from Australia, and recently again after spending the weekend with his friend R, who is half-English and who’s divorced mother is on home dialysis. Her gentleman friend was over for the weekend from Britain and they invited Matthijs to be company for the son. When returning Matthijs on Sunday the gentleman friend said that they had been very glad he was there. Apparently R’s mum’s dialysis had gone badly and she had been ill much of the weekend. R was rather emotional and demanding and Matthijs had apparently been a positive and calming influence, a great help: nice to hear about your child. Matthijs himself said that he understood that it is not easy when your mother was ill and he just took account of that.

We also had a weekend outing to a big playground in IJmuiden. Nice weather, picnic, thermos of espresso and two good books. After about an hour and a half Daniel came to complain that some boys were teasing him. Being (bad, lazy parents)/(great believers in empowerment) we asked Matthijs to go with Daniel and teach him how to deal with such things. When we hauled them all in later for munchies it turned out that Matthijs had resolved it with diplomacy: apparently the boys had only been teasing and Daniel had taken it a bit too seriously. They were all friends now and playing together.

The other day he was playing outside with a boy from our square who is about Daniel’s age. They were Pokemons and chasing each other around until they tripped over each other and the other boy clunked himself on the ground. Marjolein looked out when she heard crying and saw Matthijs carefully escorting the other boy, gently stroking his back, back to his Mother and then carefully taking the boy’s bike to his house.

If you run these things together, by no means exceptions, then you can see a much more rounded picture of Matthijs. Marjolein was no sweetheart as a child: ask her about what happened to her Mother’s hidden sweet hoard. I was of course angelic. Matthijs has fine qualities and his best is very, very good, if you are capable of bringing it out. Teacher does not seem to be doing that. We can’t move him: he has four good friends at school and we have no guarantee that anywhere else is much better. Watch this space.

Daniel is also having trouble. We keep hearing that he does not listen well and does not pay attention. Though that is certainly, true his hearing is also undoubtedly a factor and they are not properly taking account of it. Marjolein helps reading groups at school and discovered to her horror that Daniel’s reading level appears to be declining. He is well behind his class.

Teacher was not too concerned. She apparently had heard from the previous class teacher that he might have a gap in his knowledge as he had “not completed his classwork”. Given that we spend every school day since March checking if there were exercises to complete in his workbooks and working with him to finish them we were, to put is mildly, massively pissed off by her nonchalance. It seems as if the school never, ever takes responsibility. We are somehow supposed, from the home environment, to cover classroom behaviour and academic achievement. It cannot be done unless we get to sit in class with him.

We are thinking about moving Falco and Daniel to another school. They will suffer from all the issues that Matthijs has had and his poor reputation and we are becoming convinced that we need a school with more resources in order to get our children the stimulating education they deserve.

Falco’s training wheels came off this month. Generally that means I spend hours running next to a bike until they discover their balance. Falco wanted none of it. He went off cautiously on his own, dashing ever longer distances before falling over. Each one is different…

The amazing sand-sculptures on the right are from an exhibition honouring Michiel de Ruyter in Haarlem. It is astonishing what people can do with silicon powder…