January

As we do every year we started 2007 with a bracing walk along the windy beaches of north Holland. We put the year to rights and shook off the cobwebs, champagne and “oliebollen” while the children danced in and out of the white horses. They are becoming marginally more sensible with time, so this year we only needed to change them into dry trousers and socks.

Falco's holiday extended into the first week, so he was able to sleep over with a playmate in Amsterdam. When he returned full of enthusiasm Daniel enquired what had he done that had been so much fun? Falco replied that he had “eaten a thousand sweeties”, to which Daniel earnestly replied that that was impossible because, “you have to eat healthy stuff every now and then or you would get holes and your teeth would fall out”. Falco responded that “Mama would buy me new ones then”. “But that is no good, you would have to put them in a glass of water next to your bed!” says Daniel. “Then I'd just grow new big-person teeth” “Not possible!” cries Daniel, “you only grow real teeth once!” Falco had to think about that (advantage Daniel, for now). We were pleasantly surprised that the teeth-cleaning sermons had apparently been heard and assimilated.... yay!

Naturally the next thing that turned up had nothing whatsoever to do with teeth. “Mama” quoth Falco, “I'm so sorry baby Jesus is not there any more”. Given we are not particularly religious at home this was surprising. When asked why he explained that he would “be his Papa and tell him he mustn't scream and he mustn't kick and mustn't hit”. Daniel then also decided he would like a baby Jesus to boss around but concluded pragmatically that “Matthijs would have him first, because he is the oldest...”

Later that week Marjolein ended up rushing Daniel to emergency late in the evening because Matthijs had accidentally poked him in the eye and it was still very painful after six hours. Fortunately there was no serious damage. The second week was tough for Daniel. He had his fifth ear operation because of chronic infection of his damaged right inner ear. This time he was in for three hours and they removed the wall between the outer and inner areas of his ear. We are hoping that this will put an end to the infections and that he will not need to be operated on again until they put his ear-bones back. He will need regular check-ups and cleaning in that ear and his hearing will never be 100%.

After the operation he woke up furious. “Rotten doctors” and “rotten hospitals” and he never wanted to see them again. He also wanted to rip the huge turban of bandages off his head but calmed down after an hour. He was allowed home that afternoon and had to go back the next day to have the bandages removed and replaced with a dressing to protect the ear canal. He did not want to go to school with the big dressing on his ear, so Marjolein suggested I draw a skull and crossbones on it. That made it into a pirate ear-patch and Daniel was happy and his class was really impressed. It was little enough to do for him after he had been so very, very brave and it was typically Daniel: he has no trouble with the really scary stuff, but he utterly hates looking silly.

Two weeks later his courage was tested again. They took out the dressing that had been packed inside his ear. It was painful and the doctor said he had had grown men in tears, but Daniel just said “owowowOW!” without moving a muscle. He is a tough little guy.

He is also very visually oriented: Marjolein has not been allowed to choose outfits for him since he was five. Anything he does not know the name for he describes in detail, very much as if he was seeing it before his eyes. He told the receptionist at the hospital that he could draw very nice water-monsters. All his classmates wanted one, also Nina (his girlfriend for the last whole year!) but she did not get one because they had a falling out. She would get a drawing from him when she was in love with him again. He also confided that though he himself was quick to anger Nina was even worse. He was not keen on that and I must admit that she does not seem the ideal daughter-in-law to me either: she is a very batey little madam indeed. Marjolein, ever pragmatic, suggested he fall in love with someone else, perhaps “E”? “E doesn't want to” replied Daniel. “How about L?” said Mama. “No Mama, she is brown and I don't like brown”. Marjolein was tempted to intervene to quell incipient racism (L is indeed brown) but it turned out that Daniel would have no problems with yellow, red or black, but he would need to see the precise tint: apparently to be Daniel's girlfriend you need to match his clothes or his furniture. That should make puberty interesting.

This year winter was one day long. If was the warmest January since records began in 1706. When we finally got a cold day it even snowed, so we had very early spring flowers with snow on them and Daniel did manage to squeeze in a snowman that melted the next morning.

We had a talk at school with Daniel's teachers: they were worried because Daniel gets distracted, is dreamy and does not finish his work. They even claimed that they were not able to assess him well enough to send him through to the next year, because they were not sure he would be able to complete the Cito test. Cito tests are tests that all schoolchildren have to complete in the Netherlands. Originally intended as the final assessment on leaving primary education they are currently administered to ever younger pupil with the intent of assessing school quality. They should not be used to grade young pupils. Marjolein put this point forcefully to the teachers and I weighed in with some questions. When asked if they believed that Daniel was in fact academically capable of handling the level of the test, based on their other experience of him they were forced to say “yes”. When challenged with the point that he was partially disabled by loss of hearing in one ear and that there was provision for Cito tests to be administered in an adapted form for children with a disability they were also obliged to concede. We emerged “victorious” but with a profound feeling of disappointment and a loss of trust in the teaching staff of the school.

We agreed to supervise Daniel in completing at home any work he did not complete at school and that he would be observed by a school councillor. They also agreed to give him a Cito test on his own without ambient noise and ensuring that he could clearly hear the questions.

Fortunately Matthijs is in fine shape at school at the moment: his teacher is full of praise for his hard work and developing social skills. He his just winding down play therapy and we are crossing our fingers that Daniel will not need to do it too, though if it helps him the way it helped Matthijs it will be well worth the effort.